August 10th, 2008 by tracktales
I think too much.
So I’m lying here, tired, wanting to fall asleep, but unable to.
Instead I’m thinking about school and how I hated having to hold back so the other kids could have their turn to answer questions. Looking back, I really resent having to do that. Not that I wanted to deprive my classmates the chance to learn and show what they knew, but most of the time, it seemed to me they didn’t 
want to answer the questions. I did, so why not just let me answer them? It was probably at it’s worst in grade school and junior high, but I don’t think it ever stopped.
Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t the master of all subjects, far from it. But for those classes where I enjoyed the subject or was just plain good at it without even really trying, it was so annoying to have to hold back.
It was better in college I think, but I think that was mainly because it was less of a question and answer type environment.
Now that I’ve been in the workforce for several years, I’m feeling that way again, only it’s a bit different.
Half the time I’m annoyed that some people at work just expect me to have the answers for everything, simply because I have a good memory and am familiar with the patterns of problems that keep happening with slight variations over and over again. Actually, I’m think it might bother me more that people who’ve been there as long or longer don’t recognize and remember these things. At times I want to ask them how they can’t remember, “You were there! We worked on fixing it together. Did you block it out or something? I mean it wasn’t the greatest day ever, but still…”
Feh. Maybe my memory is just freakish. By extension I suppose that makes me (more of) a freak. Yay.
Anyway, the other half of the time I’m just ticked off that people do things so haphazardly, and without hashing out what could go wrong with something before they do it. They’re so focused on getting something out there by a certain date that they wind out forcing people that are capable of putting out truly kick ass work to constantly churn out rush jobs to meet the deadlines set by people that couldn’t do the work if they tried. The end result is more stuff for me and the folks I work with to clean up after. Almost every single time.
If they’d just ask the people who actually have to deal with the stuff on a daily basis, we could tell them the pitfalls beforehand. Granted, that probably wouldn’t stop the litany of insane deadlines and half-assed end results, but it might slow it down and maybe get rid of some of the more obvious screwups.
So after that chunk of venting, I should be ready to sleep now. But I’m not. Because those were just second and third level thoughts my mind tried turning to in order to stop thinking about the one thing that’s really keeping me awake.
A few posts ago I mentioned going after what you want or risk losing it forever. I’m still ‘there’ as it were.
What I want isn’t a thing, it’s a person. All I have to do is ask a question. I should have asked a year ago. But I can’t do it. I’m terrified that it’ll come out weird or creepy or just sound totally inept. I’m more terrified they’ll say no. It always comes down to that.
Right now, right this minute, I think I could do it, but of course it’s 4am on a Sunday, which would totally fulfill the weird, creepy, and inept fears all in one fell swoop.
How bad have I got it? I found myself wanting to get stuck in an elevator, and I despise elevators. Also, I do believe I’d take a bullet or knife for this person if it would keep them from harm. Worse yet, I actually care what this person thinks.
And now it’s 5:15am.
To quote South Park, “That’s pretty fucked up right there.”
Posted in Musings, Work | No Comments »
July 25th, 2008 by tracktales
With an Army of Pole Dancers.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Posted in World News | No Comments »
July 19th, 2008 by tracktales
I still have to remind myself that some people don’t like finding out that they’re very predictable.
However, it’s still fun doing it, and I am a Professional Bastard, so I do it anyway.
Sometimes I do wonder though if I’m actually that fast to recognize people’s patterns of behavior, or if it’s just that I just accept it right away and move on from there. Meanwhile, (at least from my perspective), other people see the pattern, but it either doesn’t register, or they’re consciously or subconsciously ignoring it, often to their own detriment.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that people, possibly myself included, are often oblivious to how busy they actually are at work. Actually, I’m usually painfully aware of how busy I am, but don’t have time to do more than grumble about it and press on until the work gets done.
A few months ago, (or was it last year?), I was trying to explain to someone that they didn’t see the same thing on one device as they saw on their own because they were always doing something. The person thought I was kidding, but I told him I wasn’t. He then actually looked at his calendar and had to go a few weeks before finding a day with nothing scheduled. There was a third person in the room and we had a little chuckle about it, but I was a little concerned that this was really a revelation to this person, and a felt a little bad about it. I still wonder if that’s the first time in a while he’d actually looked at it that way. Hopefully he’ll take it as an impetus to slow down a bit and not be booked so solidly.
This came up the other day when I told someone I wanted to see when they’d be free for lunch because they were always busy. Again the initial denial, but then they had to reschedule because they realized they were in fact very busy. I was too busy myself to do anything worse than a mild I told you so.
As for myself, again, I tend to be painfully aware of how busy I am, but some days the hours slip by like seconds. But they keep paying me, so I keep going back. Still it’s a bad day when I can’t even find time to pass by my one calming influence there. I would like to bottle that and carry it around with me, but they’d quickly suffocate if I closed it, and dragging a person sized bottle around all day would be inconvenient and highly conspicuous, which is a no-no on a team that’s supposed to slip in, fix what’s broken and get out.
Posted in Musings, Work | No Comments »
June 10th, 2008 by tracktales
Ok. Got pretty much everything that was on the old version added as entries here. Check the Archives for brand new old posts. Now I can decide if I just want to direct the domain here. Actually, I think I’ll just redo the main page as an entry point.
Oh, and the lack of mustache is still weired, but I’m trying to give it a fair shake. So far I don’t like it, although the responses I got at work were that I looked younger without it. Given the amount of gray I’d begun to have in my beard, that’s not surprising, but I suspect the comments will keep coming for a few days. It think I would have gotten fewer reactions if I’d just had the gray hairs dyed blue…
Posted in Admin | No Comments »
June 9th, 2008 by tracktales
Shaved the beard and for the first time ever, the mustache.
Yeah.
So I thought back, looked at some old pictures, and the rough estimate on the last time I was without a mustache is sometime in 1989 or early 1990. I’m not one for changing my appearance all that often, but that’s pretty damned long.
I’ve shaved the beard a couple of times, but never the mustache.
It feels a little odd, and I’m still attempting to get used to how I look.
It feels cold when I exhale through my nose, but it’s been ridiculously hot this weekend, so it’s been sweating whenever I’m not in a room with Air Conditioning.
I suspect the reactions of my coworkers will be either “Whoa” ala Bill & Ted, or stunned silence followed by inquiries of who I am and what did I do with the real me. I’m still the evil twin, so don’t expect a kinder, gentler me anytime soon.
As to why the hell I did this, well, I’ve been considering it for a while now and finally decided to just suck it up and do it.
One bit of advice I received from a friend is that it’ll grow back. Hearing that from someone else (again) was enough to kick me out of the waffling funk I was in about it. She is right, it’ll grow back, but I did counter that if she recoils in horror, it’s a pretty good sign that it was a bad idea.
However, I can’t blame her. 1) She’s too beautiful to blame, and 2) It’s not like she handed me the razor and a can of Edge gel and said, “Go. Shave!” That might have been interesting… 
Ah well.
Posted in Musings | No Comments »
June 5th, 2008 by tracktales
If at any point in your life, you come to realize there’s something or someone you want, go after it right away.
Don’t wait. You’re never going to build up more nerve than you have at the moment you realize, “I want that/her/him more than anything in the world.”
All waiting does is give someone else the opportunity to slip in there and grab it before you can.
Then you’ll never know it would have turned out, and you’ll hate yourself more and more each day.
Posted in Musings | No Comments »
May 30th, 2008 by tracktales
Go see IronMan. Don’t ask questions, just go and enjoy it.
Yes, I’m late on this one, but I’ve been busy.
Oh, and someone actually asked me who Nick Fury was.
That one should be an easy answer, but isn’t.
This is the Nick Fury I knew of, and this is the one that I was asked about.
Send any questions to Marvel. I don’t know why. Everything can’t be as simple as the Switching of Dicks on Bewitched.
Posted in Movies | No Comments »
May 26th, 2008 by tracktales
From xkcd, a very funny and occasionally deep comic.
Posted in Musings | No Comments »
April 12th, 2008 by tracktales
Check the blogroll for links to Devin’s blog site, which you should check out for the really cool work he does with resin, tiny sailors and swingline staplers.
Also, CK’s blog. He’s a programmer. I have no such skill, but I do understand the process for the most part. If they ever release a pseudo-code IDE and compiler, watch out!
And then there’s Carol’s blog. I would fear for her sanity if I thought it would do any good. However, she is one of a very few people I know that is actually more anti-morning than I am. That alone is link worthy.
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
April 8th, 2008 by tracktales
(Originally posted in 1999)
Here’s an open question that I’d like answered.
How do you stall an electric motor? Specifically, the type they use on subway cars.
I’m really curious, because this problem has been occurring more frequently than I can recall. As a matter of fact, it’s been screwing me over in my attempts to get to work.
Posted in Transit | No Comments »
« Previous Entries